Emotions-Day 12

I did not want to exercise today. But I did and I am so glad. I have to realize that I am consantly going to be fighting these battles in my mind. I won that one. I lost one at dinner. I ate a healthy meal at a restaurant and then I finished someone's fries and chicken strip with ranch. Oh well. I still have a lot to learn and a lot more practice to change my habits. That is why you are encouraged to eat at home as much as possible during the first 30 days. I will be gone all day tomorrow. It will be hard. I will want to fall back on my eat junk while I shop all day habits. If I can do well at 4 out of my 5 meals, I will be pleased. It's all about little changes.

Emotions-Day 11

All was well today. I stayed upbeat no matter what. There were a few snags, but they didn't send me into melt down mode. All I can ask for each week is to have more good days than bad.

Emotions-Day 10

I felt good today. Of course, dropping weight will do that to you. I got up early and made the kids breakfast for the first day of school. I exercised and got to spend time with Megan. I felt like my mood started to sink as I started to eat cookies. Imagine that. I ate 3, but did so willingly and knowing that I was making a choice. I must admit that they tasted delicious. What is it about some things that causes me to have no control. I never should have bought them. I need to buy things that I don't like. I had to provide cookies for church tonight and I bought some disgusting sugar cookies that I would never eat, but then I bought some chocolate chip cookies and they taunted me for the rest of the afternoon. I thought I could just take a few bites, but that didn't work. So, I had another one, and then after dinner, another one. This is a common occurance when I start having success. Big time self sabotage. So, I may take another walk tonight to burn off some of those calories. Tomorrow will be a new day and another chance. I have to focus on each meal. I am going to do myself a favor and just let it go.

Emotions-Day 9

Today was a much better day. I stayed really busy and sometimes that helps. It is bittersweet to have today as the last day of summer. I think school should start in about a month. Oh well. I made Ezekiel bread today and it is good. Now I don't have to buy it. Even though I was not perfect today, I still feel okay because I did my best and still ate healthy food.

Emotions-Day 8

Wow, today was tough for me. I was really grumpy. I think part of it was leftover from the weekend and some of the disappointments from my eating. All I could think was that I have to be perfect in my eating to have any chance of losing all this weight, and who is perfect in anything? I started fighting a headache again and my back is hurting again, so I was trying to shop with my girls while fighting these two things. Then, we had to go grocery shopping, which never really puts me in a good mood. As I am typing this, I am wondering when I will find joy in the daily tasks that I have to do. Am I going to go through my entire life feeling this way and possibly passing it on to my children? I hope not, but I'm not quite sure how to make the shift. Sometimes I get jealous of my kids carefree lives and I think I take it out on them. So unfair! I know where my head needs to go; into my scriptures and in communication with my Heavenly Father. All these thoughts are not coming from him. I am saddened that tomorrow is the last day of summer. That could be partly to blame. Whatever. No more excuses. I am the only one with the power to change how I feel and how I react. Every moment I have a choice. How will I choose tomorrow? Stay tuned...

Emotions-Day 7

I'm looking forward to starting a new week tomorrow. I can definitely see how my food choices affect my mood. Bad food=bad mood. Then, I tend to want to eat more when I am in that mood. Not good at all. I was watching a program on PBS that talked about the link between your gut and your brain. I see it to be true. Good food=good mood.(as long as the headaches stay away) I haven't had any headaches since the third day.

Emotions-Day 6

I amost made it. I was withing minutes of bedtime before I gobbled up 3 chicken McNuggets and 2 oreos. I'm not sure that I did it out of hunger. It was something more seedy and deep within me. I have to get over the fact that this is not fair. No one else cause me to become overweight. I will not be able to eat like most people if I want to gain my health. One day I may be able to have 2 oreos and then move on. But, until that day, I have to not play the fairness game. There was some guilt involved because I felt like I was sneaking the food (that's not healthly on a whole other lever), and I wasn't able to exercise at all. I also realize that guilt is not associated with good health. Who taught us that emotion anyway? We don't need it! I must forgive myself and move on, knowing that I will not be perfect in this journey or any other one. I have lots of good things to love about myself, and one day I will add my body and looking in the mirror to that list. But, not today.

Emotions-Day 5

I am a little nervous. Just when I think I can handle myself, I don't. We are leaving tomorrow and I will be in the unknown. It is so hard for me to be around food and not eat it. Today I am trying to stay up beat while the scale doesn't move. I tend to quickly get away from the strict menu and portion sizes. It is a trend. I am scared that I will get compacent again and not stick with the 30 day eating I have committed to. I would like to have at least one perfect day next week where I follow exactly what I outline at good time intervals. On the plus side, I did not have a headache again today. However, I haven't been falling asleep easily or sleeping very well. I feel kind of clogged up. But, again, I am determined. Knowing that I will write this at the end of the day has helped so for. I won't be writing tomorrow night, so I'll have to report on Sunday. Wish me luck!

Emotions-Day 4

Things weren't looking good when I got up. I wasn't feeling well and I was worried about the day. Being able to fight off the headache was huge. It felt like a big accomplishment. I didn't take any advil today. I am happy with my progress and look forward to a time when this feels more natural and it does not take up every waking thought. I feel like I am constantly eating or preparing food or thinking about what I'll be eating next. Old habits are strong and it takes quite an effort to get past them. Being away from home this weekend will be a big test and I wish it was not so early on in the process. But, I've just got to try my best with every meal.

Emotions-Day 3

I always feel good through my exercising. Today I even stayed in the pool after my laps and swam with a couple of the kids. But, when the headache came on at 11:00 a.m., it was downhill from there. I finally decided to lay down around 1:30 and try to shake the headache. Of course, the kids were super loud and after an hour I came out shouting. This NEVER helps my mood. I am a little disappointed that I ate more at dinner than I should and I skipped my snack. Today I felt full for the first time in the three days. On the upside, the day is over and I won't look back. Tomorrow is a new day for me to succeed. I came across this quote:

"In every moment, during every day of your life, you have choices. The choice to create more struggle or the choice to create more freedom and joy. Choose thoughts that support you in feeling good more and more each day."



I'm thinking tomorrow will be a great day!

Emotions-Day 2

I am so proud of myself for being here. The menu today was easy to follow and I couldn't even finish my dinner. However, I did get a headache again around 4:00. I found that I was a little grouchy today and I'm not sure why. I find that I am constantly thinking about what I've got to make next. I am trying to focus on eating before I feel extremely hungry and stopping before I feel extremely full. For example, I am hungry right now, so I am going right to bed. I'm hoping for no headache tomorrow as my body slowly realizes it will not be getting doused with sugar. I'm happy to have my girls home from camp.

Emotions-Day 1

I felt good today. I started the morning with scriptures and pondering. It's amazing how much that helps the day. Even though everything did not go as planned, that is probably going to be par for the course. This is life after all! I was positive in the face of non-perfection. That's all I can ask for.