Friday, January 15, 2010
fat thoughts
If you have never been fat before, it's hard to understand what is associated with this disease. Yes, I'll call being obese a disease. Today I was at Sprouts and I realized that for the first time, I was not worried about what others thought of me. You see, wherever you go, you feel like the heaviest person in the room. I usually would spend my time at Sprouts thinking that people would look at me and wonder why I was shopping there. It is so crazy. I know that I don't spend my time analyzing people while I'm shopping, but that's what goes through you head when you are embarrassed by the way you look. This is just one of many instances that are coming into view for me as I take this journey towards better health. This is a much better place to be.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tears
This morning I did not want to run. My kids had late start and I was able to sleep in. That was nice, but it made me want to stay cuddled up and not go out into the big bad world of cold. It makes my nose run. But, knowing that I never want to see the 180's again and that my body is craving being in the fat burning zone and that I need to burn some massive calories, I got up and put my running clothes on. That was at 7:30. At 8:45 I was still here. I woke the girls up and didn't get going until 9:10. But, I was outside with a kleenex in each hand for my runny nose and eyes. For some reason, the cold just does that to me. One of the things I was doing this morning was rechecking my distances on this site. It seemed as if I was running farther than a mile.
ALLY I NEED YOU TO BRING YOUR SATELLITE WATCH OVER SO I CAN GET EXACT READINGS!
Anyway, I decided to kick it up a notch for my first mile to see if I could run at a faster pace. Again, I don't know if my mile is exactly accurate, but I ran it in 11:45. I don't think I have ever been under 12 minutes. I only had time to run 3 miles total, but my other 2 miles I walked and ran and they were both about 13 1/2 minutes. Not bad, and my face was still beet red, which is always a good indication that I am working hard.
As I mentioned before, I know that my body has been really wanting to be in the fat burning zone after so long out of it. Here is where the tears come in. As I stood on the scale this morning, instead of a scream coming out of my mouth, tears sprang to my eyes and a slight cry came out of my mouth. I am emotional as I am typing. My weight today is:
177.7
Despite this lenthy post, I feel pretty speechless. How is this possible that I can continue to drop weight? How did it take me so long to find a program that would work for me? How did I let my life get so out of control? How did I do this to my body? How could I ignore my health for so long? These questions are what get me out the door.
WAYLAND-I NEED A WORKOUT TOMORROW FOR ARMS AND ABS. I KEEP DOING THE SAME THING (CURLS, CHEST PRESS, OVERHEAD PRESS, TRICEPS, CRUNCHES) AND I WANT TO SWITCH IT UP A LITTLE. CAN YOU EMAIL ME?
I continue to look forward to your encouraging words. I appreciate you so much!
ALLY I NEED YOU TO BRING YOUR SATELLITE WATCH OVER SO I CAN GET EXACT READINGS!
Anyway, I decided to kick it up a notch for my first mile to see if I could run at a faster pace. Again, I don't know if my mile is exactly accurate, but I ran it in 11:45. I don't think I have ever been under 12 minutes. I only had time to run 3 miles total, but my other 2 miles I walked and ran and they were both about 13 1/2 minutes. Not bad, and my face was still beet red, which is always a good indication that I am working hard.
As I mentioned before, I know that my body has been really wanting to be in the fat burning zone after so long out of it. Here is where the tears come in. As I stood on the scale this morning, instead of a scream coming out of my mouth, tears sprang to my eyes and a slight cry came out of my mouth. I am emotional as I am typing. My weight today is:
177.7
Despite this lenthy post, I feel pretty speechless. How is this possible that I can continue to drop weight? How did it take me so long to find a program that would work for me? How did I let my life get so out of control? How did I do this to my body? How could I ignore my health for so long? These questions are what get me out the door.
WAYLAND-I NEED A WORKOUT TOMORROW FOR ARMS AND ABS. I KEEP DOING THE SAME THING (CURLS, CHEST PRESS, OVERHEAD PRESS, TRICEPS, CRUNCHES) AND I WANT TO SWITCH IT UP A LITTLE. CAN YOU EMAIL ME?
I continue to look forward to your encouraging words. I appreciate you so much!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The end of a decade
For the first time in more than 10 years I weigh in the 170's. This morning I was 179.6. Could you hear me scream from where you live? It was a good one. I am finally gaining confidence that I will succeed in reaching my goal weight and keeping it off forever. The fearful thoughts have left me. I am so grateful to have been led to this program that is giving me back my health and my body. My family will be grateful. This year I was able to go sledding for the first time in 9 years. Next year I will get to go skiing. Did I mention how grateful I am? My hope is that my children will never have to go through the experience of losing an entire person in body weight. I want them to choose a healthy lifestyle. My next goal is to shoot for being in the 160's by Valentine's Day. I lifted weights this morning and did crunches on the exercise ball and ended with 3 sets of planks for 10 seconds each with my feet on the exercise ball. It's hard to imagine that in the near future, my gut could be gone. I can't look too far ahead, though. I am going to savor this little victory.
Monday, January 11, 2010
So Close
I sort of avoided posting over the last few weeks. Well, not sort of, I actually avoided it well. As we last left my saga, I had eaten that piece of toffee and was pretty upset about it. So, what do you think I did after that great run? I ate more toffee. I had some every day, in fact. By day two of putting sugar into my body, my throat was sore. Then in slowly moved into my chest. Can you believe that eating sugar made me sick? What's that about? Could it be that my body does not like sugar as much as I think it does? WOW!!!! But it didn't stop me. I continued to nibble on things here and there that were just not on my eating plan. We had Christmas Eve, then Christmas, then a trip to the snow, then New Year's Eve, then the Holt Christmas, then a trip to Blythe. I was afraid to step on the scale because I was not really exercising either because I was coughing. The amaing thing was that when I finally weighed myself, Iweighed 184.4. You see, my foundation is strong. I was still following the plan for 90-95% of the day and just messing up slightly. I wasn't going hog wild and ruining the entire day because of it. Is it possible that I see improvement here? I think I will give myself some credit.
So, it took until January 6 to get back to full fat burning zone and have a loss on the scale. But, I am going down. I did interval workouts twice last week on my treadmill. With an incline of 2 I warmed up for 5 minutes on 3.0. I then ran 3 minutes on 4.0, walked 1 minute on 3.0, ran 3 minutes on 4.5, walked 1 minute on 3.0, ran 3 minutes on 5.0, walked 1 minute on 3.0 and ran 1 minute on 5.0, 1 minute on 5.3, 30 seconds on 5.2 and 30 seconds on 5.1. Then I cooled down for 5 minutes on 2.8. I had intentions of lifting weights twice, but it didn't happen.
Now it is a new week. I decided last night that it was time to get back outside and run in the streets. There is just nothing else like it. But, when the weather outside said 37 degrees, I wavered. I was picturing myself on the treadmill once again. After breakfast and scriptures, I decided to go for it. I bundled up and hit the road. I am so glad I did. I actually shed my coat and gloves after the 3rd mile. Here are my splits for today, considering I have done this in 19 days.
Mile 1-14:29 (jogging)
Mile 2-14:00 (jogging a little faster)total 28:29
Mile 3-13:57(jogging, walking, running)total 42:26
Mile 4-14:19(walking, running, jogging on tired legs)total 56:45
As I prepared to step on the scale, I had two thoughts: I am so close to being in the 170's, which I haven't seen in more than 10 years, and I am close to being halfway to my weight loss goal. With my hands clasped in a prayer sign, I stepped on the scale, and here is what I saw.
180.0
That's as close to the 170's as I could be. So, that is my next step. I know I will scream outloud when it happens. I hope it's tomorrow. If it is, I'll be sure to post, then maybe I won't have to write a saga!
So, it took until January 6 to get back to full fat burning zone and have a loss on the scale. But, I am going down. I did interval workouts twice last week on my treadmill. With an incline of 2 I warmed up for 5 minutes on 3.0. I then ran 3 minutes on 4.0, walked 1 minute on 3.0, ran 3 minutes on 4.5, walked 1 minute on 3.0, ran 3 minutes on 5.0, walked 1 minute on 3.0 and ran 1 minute on 5.0, 1 minute on 5.3, 30 seconds on 5.2 and 30 seconds on 5.1. Then I cooled down for 5 minutes on 2.8. I had intentions of lifting weights twice, but it didn't happen.
Now it is a new week. I decided last night that it was time to get back outside and run in the streets. There is just nothing else like it. But, when the weather outside said 37 degrees, I wavered. I was picturing myself on the treadmill once again. After breakfast and scriptures, I decided to go for it. I bundled up and hit the road. I am so glad I did. I actually shed my coat and gloves after the 3rd mile. Here are my splits for today, considering I have done this in 19 days.
Mile 1-14:29 (jogging)
Mile 2-14:00 (jogging a little faster)total 28:29
Mile 3-13:57(jogging, walking, running)total 42:26
Mile 4-14:19(walking, running, jogging on tired legs)total 56:45
As I prepared to step on the scale, I had two thoughts: I am so close to being in the 170's, which I haven't seen in more than 10 years, and I am close to being halfway to my weight loss goal. With my hands clasped in a prayer sign, I stepped on the scale, and here is what I saw.
180.0
That's as close to the 170's as I could be. So, that is my next step. I know I will scream outloud when it happens. I hope it's tomorrow. If it is, I'll be sure to post, then maybe I won't have to write a saga!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Fight to lose
I feel like I am in a fight for my life. I am in this position beacuse I lost the fight to take care of myself. Now, it is a battle everyday with my body and my mind. Yesterday I lost the battle of what I put into my mouth. Thanksgiving day was the last time I put something in my mouth that is not on my plan. Last night I ate some toffee as I was making our goodie plates. It was an emotional decision because I had really lost my temper earlier, and I allowed it to ruin the rest of my night. I know that being at a healthy weight will not make all my mental demons go away. I'm so tired of feeling anger.
But, today is a new day. I had not exercised since Monday, and I was determined to go for a run. I had to work off that toffee and keep myself in a fat burning zone. One benefit of having Orson home is that I can run later in the day when it warms up. Today it was 11:00 before I got outside. But, it felt so good. There was a slight wind which I didn't appreciate as I was finishing up my fourth mile. However, I was so proud of myself for my efforts and as I will tell you later, it paid off. Here are my lap times:
Mile 1-12:37 (all running)
Mile 2-12:34(all running)total 25:11
Mile 3-13:47(walking and running)total 38:59
Mile 4-15:57(hobbling and jogging)total 54:56
When I think back to my fist 5K a year and a half ago, I did 3.1 miles in over 51 minutes. Now I can almost do 4 miles in that same time. I was pretty wowed when my dad beat me in the 5K on Thanksgiving by 12 minutes. Even though he has 25 years on me, he also weighs 20 pounds less. I can't wait to see what I can do with 20 more pounds gone. As of today my weight is........
183.9
When I realize that I am over 10 pounds lighter than on Thanksgiving, which was 3 weeks ago, I can hardly believe it. I have to give Cindy Sybrowski a shout out for keeping after me to give this a try. I would not have thought results like this could be possible. I had set a goal to weigh 180 by Christmas, and with 8 days to go, I may be close. As long as I keep going in this direction, it's all good.
Okay, I have one more rant. Sorry this post is so long. I guess I've had lots on my mind. I find that I live in a few mentality. As excited as I am with my success, I fear that something will happen to mess it up. I don't like having these thoughts. I feel like if I get too excited, then I will blow it. This has been a cycle that has held me back in Mary Kay all these years. Any time I have had a little success, I do something to stop it. It is always actions on my part. I'm not quite sure how to flip the switch in my thinking, but I've got to find a way. My greatest wish with everything that I do is to be able to feel happy. I want to smile more and feel joy and peace and extend it to others. And I don't want it to feel forced or fake or like it's only a show for others, and my family doesn't get to benefit.
I don't know what else to say, but I am looking forward to the new year. I am hopeful that Orson will be working and we can settle back into a healthy routine. I appreciate all your comments and support. I love you guys so much!!!
But, today is a new day. I had not exercised since Monday, and I was determined to go for a run. I had to work off that toffee and keep myself in a fat burning zone. One benefit of having Orson home is that I can run later in the day when it warms up. Today it was 11:00 before I got outside. But, it felt so good. There was a slight wind which I didn't appreciate as I was finishing up my fourth mile. However, I was so proud of myself for my efforts and as I will tell you later, it paid off. Here are my lap times:
Mile 1-12:37 (all running)
Mile 2-12:34(all running)total 25:11
Mile 3-13:47(walking and running)total 38:59
Mile 4-15:57(hobbling and jogging)total 54:56
When I think back to my fist 5K a year and a half ago, I did 3.1 miles in over 51 minutes. Now I can almost do 4 miles in that same time. I was pretty wowed when my dad beat me in the 5K on Thanksgiving by 12 minutes. Even though he has 25 years on me, he also weighs 20 pounds less. I can't wait to see what I can do with 20 more pounds gone. As of today my weight is........
183.9
When I realize that I am over 10 pounds lighter than on Thanksgiving, which was 3 weeks ago, I can hardly believe it. I have to give Cindy Sybrowski a shout out for keeping after me to give this a try. I would not have thought results like this could be possible. I had set a goal to weigh 180 by Christmas, and with 8 days to go, I may be close. As long as I keep going in this direction, it's all good.
Okay, I have one more rant. Sorry this post is so long. I guess I've had lots on my mind. I find that I live in a few mentality. As excited as I am with my success, I fear that something will happen to mess it up. I don't like having these thoughts. I feel like if I get too excited, then I will blow it. This has been a cycle that has held me back in Mary Kay all these years. Any time I have had a little success, I do something to stop it. It is always actions on my part. I'm not quite sure how to flip the switch in my thinking, but I've got to find a way. My greatest wish with everything that I do is to be able to feel happy. I want to smile more and feel joy and peace and extend it to others. And I don't want it to feel forced or fake or like it's only a show for others, and my family doesn't get to benefit.
I don't know what else to say, but I am looking forward to the new year. I am hopeful that Orson will be working and we can settle back into a healthy routine. I appreciate all your comments and support. I love you guys so much!!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Pushing myself
My body aches. I have not pushed myself like this in a long time. It is good for me. It makes me feel strong even as I have to crawl to the waiting hot bath. I was out of town from Thursday to Sunday, so I ate out more than normal. Despite that, my weight is now 185.7.
Saturday I went to a 90 minute boot camp with my dad. I had a lot of fun, but it was hard and I appreciated that. I have been sore since yesterday. Today I knew I needed to get out and run. My muscles needed the movement. So, I ran and ran and ran and had the best run of my short career. Here are my lap times:
Mile 1-12:50 (running mixed with jogging)
Mile 2-13:05(running mixed with walking)total 25:56
Mile 3-13:48(running mixed with walking)total 39:44
Mile 4-17:02(walking mixed with jogging)total 56:46
I am more sore than ever. We will see what tomorrow brings.
Saturday I went to a 90 minute boot camp with my dad. I had a lot of fun, but it was hard and I appreciated that. I have been sore since yesterday. Today I knew I needed to get out and run. My muscles needed the movement. So, I ran and ran and ran and had the best run of my short career. Here are my lap times:
Mile 1-12:50 (running mixed with jogging)
Mile 2-13:05(running mixed with walking)total 25:56
Mile 3-13:48(running mixed with walking)total 39:44
Mile 4-17:02(walking mixed with jogging)total 56:46
I am more sore than ever. We will see what tomorrow brings.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sorry
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
This little ole blog gets neglected, but not as much as my other one. Yesterday was my 2 month anniversary of started my weight loss program. And, I have lost 32 pounds. I am amazed. I still have a great deal of fear that it will somehow just stop. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel excited because I fell like my success might go away. Obviously I still have a lot of mental issues to deal with. I have not been at this weight for over 5 years. I am only 8 pounds away from being at my weight from 10 years ago. These are the things I have to look at to keep me excited. It really is not hard to follow my eating plan. I love the food. I look forward to dinner with my family. I am proving that you can do this.
My excercise has waned slightly with the cold weather, but I am utilizing my treadmill more. I just can't run for 3 miles on the treadmill. Yesterday, however, I started at 4.4 and went all the way up to 5.5. I would do one minute then back to 3.0 for one minute. I would go up .1 with each minute. I love that I can run. I love that my heart is getting stronger. I love that I am prolonging my life. I long for the day when I can believe in myself every day and not have to convince my brain that I am successful.
This little ole blog gets neglected, but not as much as my other one. Yesterday was my 2 month anniversary of started my weight loss program. And, I have lost 32 pounds. I am amazed. I still have a great deal of fear that it will somehow just stop. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel excited because I fell like my success might go away. Obviously I still have a lot of mental issues to deal with. I have not been at this weight for over 5 years. I am only 8 pounds away from being at my weight from 10 years ago. These are the things I have to look at to keep me excited. It really is not hard to follow my eating plan. I love the food. I look forward to dinner with my family. I am proving that you can do this.
My excercise has waned slightly with the cold weather, but I am utilizing my treadmill more. I just can't run for 3 miles on the treadmill. Yesterday, however, I started at 4.4 and went all the way up to 5.5. I would do one minute then back to 3.0 for one minute. I would go up .1 with each minute. I love that I can run. I love that my heart is getting stronger. I love that I am prolonging my life. I long for the day when I can believe in myself every day and not have to convince my brain that I am successful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
